Better Cities:The Lusted Argonian Maid, Part I

Book Information The Lusted Argonian Maid, Part I
ID	xx179363
Prev.	Foreword	Next	Part II
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Locations
Found in the following locations: On the desk in Oorly's room in the Skingrad Gold Horse Courier Office
Note
This Elder Scrolls Book Club selection was written by Redolegna.

The Lusted Argonian Maid, Part I

by Crassius Curio

The uncensored original version of The Lusty Argonian Maid

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ramatis Personae

Lifts-Her-Tail: Argonian slave
The Mistress: Lifts-Her-Tail's owner, Master's wife and Crantius Colto's lover
The Tormenter
The Master: Lifts-Her-Tail's owner, Mistress's husband
The Priest: clergyman of Mara Benevolence
Crantius Colto: Vivec's Foreign Quarter administrator and Mistress's lover
A member of the Twin Lamps
A Thief

The play takes place in Vivec and starts on Frost Fall 23rd. Events mostly happen in the Master's manor: Imperial-looking house, with obviously wealthy inhabitants. The Mistress's clothes are very sophisticated; as for Colto's clothes, they are typically the clothes of an Imperial nouveau riche.

Act I: in the Mistress's room

Scene I (The Mistress, Lifts-Her-Tail; then the Tormenter)

The Mistress: Once again I caught you red-handed, filthy slave! You were trying to rob me!

Lifts-Her-Tail: Have mercy, Mistress! Lifts-Her-Tail is a good slave, yes, she is! She doesn't steal her mistress's properties, no, she doesn't! Not her, not Lifts-Her-Tail!

The Mistress: Enough, you worthless liar! I saw you pretending to clean my room, and now my brooch is gone! You're the only one who could have taken it, don't deny it. There is no point in claiming you're not guilty, all slaves are the same. Oh, how I miss my house in Cyrodiil, where I had a proper domesticity. But you Argonians, and Khajiit as well, you crave shiny objects and you grab them whenever you can. You are not worthy to live, you are no more than disgusting beasts. I should sell you to the owners of Caldera's mine.

Lifts-Her-Tail: Don't, Mistress, please don't! Lifts-Her-Tail has heard dreadful stories about Caldera's mine, dreadful! Argonians are whipped every day if they don't bring back enough ore, and Lifts-Her-Tail can't dig!

The Mistress: So, you're afraid of being whipped, eh? Well, I can remedy that.

(She claps her hands once; enter the Tormenter, whip in hand)

The Mistress: Every ten blows, I will ask you again: where did you hide my brooch? If you don't answer, you get more whipping. Easy to understand, don't you think so? Even a lizard-woman such as you must be able to grasp the meaning of it: don't talk and you die.

(The Tormenter lifts his whip)

Lifts-Her-Tail: Lifts-Her-Tail is a good slave! She ain't a stealer, she ain't! Mercy!

(The Tormenter whips her)

Lifts-Her-Tail: Lifts-Her-Tail is hurt, yes, she's hurt! But she still doesn't know where her mistress's brooch is, by Z'en!

The Mistress: I have already told you not to mention your heathen god under my roof! None but the Nines will be talked about here!

Lifts-Her-Tail: Lifts-Her-Tail doesn't know, doesn't know! The Mistress is wrong!

The Mistress: You dare insult me? Tormenter, put salt on her wounds!

Lifts-Her-Tail: Mercy, Mistress! Lifts-Her-Tail thinks she knows where the brooch is!

The Mistress: Finally, you thief! Where is it, I ask you?

Lifts-Her-Tail: On your dress, Mistress, on your dress! You put it on and you forgot! You are not fair to Lifts-Her-Tail!

The Mistress (laughing): Oh, of course! Well, why did you not tell me before? Tormenter, give her five more blows to teach her to answer when asked. That should do the trick.

(Exit the Mistress; the Tormenter hits Lifts-Her-Tail again, then exit)

Lifts-Her-Tail: Poor, poor Lifts-Her-Tail! Her mistress is making her suffer a lot! But Lifts-Her-Tail must not complain, because she is very lucky to be a slave here rather than in Caldera's mine or in a Telvanni stronghold. Lifts-Her-Tail's cousin has told her a frightful story of what happens to sorcerers' slaves! A story with kind men from the Legion, killed by an evil woman who was called Xyr! So, Lifts-Her-Tail is happy to live in Vivec rather than in a sorcerer's place or in Hlaalus' plantations and mines. Lifts-Her-Tail has heard stories about a place called the Black Marsh and Lifts-Her-Tail's mother told her about the lizardfolk country when she was still alive. But Lifts-Her-Tail doesn't understand them, 'cause nobody could live in a swamp, which has no ground and where everything is wet! So, Lifts-Her-Tail doesn't miss such a place, 'cause the mistress's house is warm and dry even in Frost Fall! But Lifts-Her-Tail has been gibbering too long: she must clean the place, for the Mistress has told her she awaits two very important guests: a priest and a most handsome man, called Crantius Colto.

(Someone knocks at the door; Lifts-Her-Tail opens; enter the Priest)

Scene II (Lifts-Her-Tail; the Priest)

The Priest: Mara bless you and this warm house! 'Tis no season for a priest to go out of his chapel, even to celebrate. But where are my manners? Greetings, pretty damsel.

Lifts-Her-Tail: Oh, Your Grace, you are mocking Lifts-Her-Tail. Lifts-Her-Tail is not pretty. Only Cyrodiil women are pretty. Lizardfolks [sic] are ugly, so says Lifts-Her-Tail's mistress.

The Priest (laughing): My Grace? Here is a rank raise! But you're wrong, young Argonian. Beauty is not shared only between Cyrodiils: you may not seem pleasant to your mistress's eyes, but I have one or two Argonian friends who would find you perfect for their taste.

Lifts-Her-Tail (snorting in disgust): Black Marsh! Nothing but scum there, so says Lifts-Her-Tail's mistress.

The Priest (astonished): Arkay be good, how can one say such a thing? Has your Mistress taught you this? Then your mistress didn't do you any good. Black Marsh is a very interesting and beautiful province for those who know how to look at it. It is also called Argonia (Lifts-Her-Tail raise her head, surprised), yes, Argonia, even if this elven name doesn't suit most of your race.

Lifts-Her-Tail: Race? What does the priest mean? Lifts-Her-Tail is no woman, she is a beast.

The Priest (paling): By the Eight and One, this is an outrage. Your mistress has taught you naught but false and biased things. You're not human, that's true, but you're not a beast either. You can speak, you can think, you can plan. You can know the gods. Do you think that a guar or an alit would be able to do so?

Lifts-Her-Tail (eyes down again): Lifts-Her-Tail doesn't know... Lifts-Her-Tail doesn't understand all that the kind priest says to her.

The Priest: Alas, my chapter is not rich enough to buy you from your your mistress. Without that, I would do it gladly. But what are these white strips on your shoulders and your back? Have you been whipped?

Lifts-Her-Tail: Yes, and many a time so.

The Priest: Enough, my child. I cannot bear anymore to see you yielding to your masters and accepting your slavery. I was summoned here by your mistress to celebrate the Broken Diamond with her husband and the noble Crantius Colto and I will not break my word. But I will come back and teach you to read, to write and to think by yourself, do you agree with that?

Lifts-Her-Tail: If Lifts-Her-Tail's mistress gives her leave...

The Priest: No, my child, not like that. Would you like or not?

Lifts-Her-Tail: Lifts-Her-Tail guesses so...

The Priest: Fine.