UESP Forums

These monthly competitions are a chance for you to demonstrate your creativity and talents while getting a chance to know your fellow members and have a little fun. Each month is going to have a different theme and a different talent – and maybe a surprise or two! But only one member can wear the purple coins and fancy title of CotM Winner! Do you have what it takes?

The basic rules are as follows:


August, the perfect month to eat, drink, & another wonderful competition! That's right, we're burning up the coals & having a cook off! Who better to host than UESP's own savory chef & lover of cakes!! This month's idea comes from our very own Dohva, and my very first time hosting the CoTM. Dear Sithis why did I ever agree to this??

"If you could cook or bake something in TES, using a recipe featuring many local ingredients and goods, what delicious treat would you make?" Describe in grand or minimum detail your own recipe, a mere sample to put even the Gourmet to shame! And please, be creative with your craft, this is a CoTM

So yeah, get cooking! Feasts don't just conjure themselves up!


Our schedule for the August event is as follows:
[DATE RANGE]: August 6 - 27: Competition begins! Start planning and send in those submissions!
[DATE RANGE]: August 28-31: Voting period – vote for your favorites!
[DATE]: September 1: Our winner is announced!
Please note that all times are determined by me, BetaB17, and therefore will run according to Eastern Standard Time. ()

Remember that the CotM is not possible without you, so please participate, contribute, discuss, and vote!

As an aside, if anyone would like to join the street team to help plan and set up the CotM, please send me a PM Until then, have fun and good luck!

(This fun event is hosted by yours truly. If you have any questions, feel free to ask them within this thread or by sending me a PM by selecting the appropriate button below my signature. Have some suggestions on what you'd like to see? )



This was brought to you from Beta's kitchen, garnished with spice & served with care.

Does it have to be food for mortals or can the Dovah create a feast for immortal beings?

So long as its food and has a recipe if Shor wants his oxe cooked in mead and roasted over a burning pit of his foes, so be it! But no Divines can dine on a wiff of magic, cloud essence, n served over an Elder Scroll>_> thats not food, let alone realist by both our's n TES's standards

I saw a recipe for Elsweyr Fondue in some geek-themed cookbook at the bookstore where I work (it also had stuff like Lembas bread, Butterbeer, Star Wars blue milk, and the Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster). I'd look it up when I'm in at work today and post it here, but I'm not a dirty cheater. And I'm guessing I can't just say "Sweetroll recipe: go to Cinnabon and place an order," right?

I think the spirit of the competition is to create recipe one could use in-game/universe. Like my entry:

Glowing Cookies
3 cups of flour
1 chicken egg
1
1 cup of
2 cups of sugar
A pinch of
1 cup
1 cap
2 spoonfuls of warm water

Mix all dry ingredients together, then add the eggs, butter, water, mushroom and thorax, then mix thoroughly.
Spoon out portions onto a greased baking sheet and bake in a an oven for 15 minutes.

Glowing Cookies are guaranteed to give you an energy boost. Not only do they physically glow, they will make you feel "glowing" as well!

^^ YEs, like Musicman's entry is what we're thinking. And those look delishis. Any after effects? Like...maybe you gain +2 night vision?

Crumbs! Glowing Cookies! Nice! I presume they could be held in your hand as a substitute for a light spell/torch too!

Yet another edit: I don't care about UESPoints. I didn't care about winning either. I just wanted to enjoy sharing my creativity with the rest of you guys. I apologize for apparently breaking the rules by submitting too much stuff.

You've made me hungry, Deandra!
Damn, that seagull must have had big legs!

Yeah, the seagulls they get on Stros M'Kai are real monsters.

Strong Arm Venison
- Three and half pounds of venison
- Five juniper berries in the marinade

Fresh Apples and Eidar Cheese.

Ingredients: Apples, Cheese.

Enjoy.

Spicy Abecean Fish n' Chips
(Serves 4)

Right, time to earn back those purple coins and become the first(hopefully) person to win this 3 times in UESP history! Warning: Everything said in my entry is pretty much a joke. I do not mean a single word of it and it is all light humoured. If you are easily offended, you may not want to look at my entry. It also contains swearing TES references and flat out false hatred for M'aiq the liar. This may be a lie.





Disclaimer: I am not doing a Sheogorath themed one due the limit of one entry per person.

NEW ADDITION TO THE RULES

»UESPOINTS!
UESPoints (UP) are a chance for all you lovely UESP users to earn reward points for your achievements and for participating around the forums. The CotM is now awarding UESPoints as a prize, in addition to the usual 1st place prize of the purple coins.
Here's how it will work: When the voting period is over, UESPoints will be awarded based on what position you came in.

1st Place - 3 UESPoints + Purple Coins
2nd Place- 2 UESPoints
3rd Place - 1 UESPoint

2nd and 3rd place have to have at least two votes to qualify for UESPoints.

What happens if everyone gets 2 votes? Will there be a fight to the death for the amusment of the masses or will it all be joint third place and the threshold increased for future COTMS?

Also, two more days to get your feast ideas in! Even though i have already won the contest via bribe... i mean my brilliant idea, you can get your ideas in as there is still time. Voting begins on the 28th!

The purple coins will become mine again.

Rustic Riften Fishy Sticks
These delicious fishy sticks and their sauce will give you a burst of energy and can even prolong the time one can breath underwater. These scrumptious treats are good for any occasion, from traditional dunmeri weddings to snacking at a nordic tavern. Be careful, however, as these treats are so good they're slightly illegal.

Ingredients:

Fishy sticks:
12 pieces of filleted Histcarp, preferably fished from Lake Honrich
3 cups wheat flour
1 hawk egg white
1 clove garlic, minced
A pinch of salt

Sauce:
6 chicken eggs, beaten
1/2 cup dwarven oil
1/4 juice of lemon
4 leaves of hackle-lo
2 cloves garlic, minced
A pinch of moon sugar
A dash of salt

1. Combine flour, garlic and salt in a bowl
2. Baste histcarp cutlets in hawk egg white
3. Coat filets in flour mixture
4. Set fish over fire for approximately 15 minutes
5. While cooking, combine chicken eggs, oil and lemon juice, stirring well
6. Gradually stir in remainder of ingredients.
7. Serve fishy sticks warm with the sauce
8. Enjoy!

Today is the last day to submit your meals in for a chance to watch, I the Incredibly Talented Dovah reclaim my purple coins! Or it's just the last day for submissions and we always welcome more. Voting begins on the 28th and a winner will be declared via the medium of sweetrolls and a post.

Hey isnt that suppose to ve my job? Well the schedule bit, not the madness<_< But yes, tomorrow is the final day to submit if you want those shiny purple coins! It's never too late! Till well.. it's too late Submit while you still can!

And may I add what great recipes ya folks have made! AlsoI see alot love for that Dwarven oil here plus those 'rustic' fishysticks, oh my yes

Techincally yes but let's call this a non-violent coup that will end up with the mass disembowlment of those who are not called The Dovah if said Dovah doesn't win.

It took me a long time to figure out what to do a recipe of.. its just there was so many things to do. I could of gone with some seafood or maybe something more cultural, but after long pondering, I finally know what to submit may I present Haafingar's Delight, a traditional nordic meal from the days of old, now with some more modern tastes thanks to the trade of our Empire

Typically this dish consists of a grilled Mammoth Steak served on top of skillet potatoes n sauté mushrooms, best with a glass of Jazbay wine. Below is a list of ingredients and detailed instructions, so that anybody can have a feast worthy of a Jarl!
I'm rather proud of this creation but it took far longer to type than it should of >__< anyways, lastt day for submissions folk! Tomorrow voting starts

Did Beta forget about the pole or has my bribe... brilliant gift reached him and he is too busy playing with it thus making me the default COTM Winner?

This is a little recipe that was developed in conjunction by Namira and Sanguine, both accomplished chefs! Suffice to say, it is extravagant, byzantine, and sacrilegious to all but the most profane of Daedra, and their Worshipers. I like to call this meal the 'Cyrodilic Noble'. While it would have been hard to prepare this meal in past ages, people have long since forgotten about this recipe in the Fourth Era, as it has only very recently become possible to make again. This meal is only recommended for expert chefs, who can tolerate failure.

Now this is not the kind of meal you can cook on a whim. It will take some preparation, access to some rare creatures, and a bit of luck.

To prepare the Cyrodilic Noble, you will need several years of preparation, and preferably, some status in the land you reside in. I recommend you prepare to vacate your home after the Cyrodilic Noble has been consumed. If successful, it will be unlikely you will be able to return to your home ever.

First, you need to procure a variety of alcohols. I recommend breaking into a few Surilie's Brothers for later steps, but the alcohols you need for the early steps will depend on the tastes of your meal. You will also need alcohol, to placate the local guards. I find leaving some barrels in front of their guardhouses can work, but higher disciplined guards may need a bribe, or a well placed dagger, to avoid their interruptions.

Above all else, you will need a Minotaur. To get a Minotaur, you'll have to either travel to Cyrodiil, or have one imported. Their herds can only be found there. I would recommend you use a male, simply due to their larger size, and you'll need the excess space. I would recommend you try to source a good, grass-fed Minotaur. While cave Minotaurs maybe more common, their diets produce lower quality meat, they are more vicious, and are also likely to be smaller. For these reasons, Minotaurs who roam the hills and plains of Cyrodiil are much more expensive, but I'd highly recommend you do not go cheap for this step.

This is a good time to mention that this meal can feed about 100 people. However, the fewer people who actually partake in this meal, the better it will taste. As such, it's recommended you only invite a few dozen, at the very most. If you want a true delicacy, prepare this meal solely for yourself. The Daedra work in mysterious ways.

Once you have acquired your Minotaur, see that it is fed a heavy diet of nothing but grass from Colovia, flavored with juice from Chokeberries. As a warning, do not taste the Chokeberries, let it touch your skin, or in anyway ingest them. Minotaurs are one of few creatures capable of surviving the effects of Chokeberries, and as such is one of the few ways you can experience these delightful fruit and survive. You should feed him this over the course of about a week.

Now, you must pay respects to Sanguine and Namira. Host a lavish feast, partake in holy hedonism, and make sure you invite elves. For the next part of the recipe, you can use any kind of elf. I personally prefer Altmer, but I know many swear by the earthy flavor of the Elves of Valenwood. Now, I will say, I do not recommend you choose one of the Dunmeri, they just do not cook correctly. I imagine the Maomer would be a good choice, if you could somehow obtain one. Man-things, while obviously a fine choice for other meals, just simply do not work for this recipe. It will not taste right if you use man-flesh. Ensure that the stone alter at the center has been properly set up.

For this all to go correctly, I'd recommend you start the festivities early in the morning. the chosen elf should be mostly incapacitated before you advance your meal preparation. This also provides time to prepare the Minotaur. I would recommend that you kill the Minotaur at around 6PM, once most of your guests should have lost most of their capacity to comprehend this. Remove the head, arm, and legs. Gut the Minotaur, creating a good cavity. You must now stake the head, arms, and legs of the Minotaur at points at the far ends of your feast. Use the Minotaur's blood to create a circle around the site, be sure to spray some through the feast itself, though! Wild animals may investigate the smells, at this point. It's smart to have some armed fellows amongst your chosen party.

For the next step, you will need sharp knives. Be gentle, this is not about pain, the less pain they feel, the better the meal shall be. Choose which elves you will use. Between three to seven can fit in a Minotaur's chest cavity, depending on how tightly you pack them, and their size. Sew the elf-filled Minotaur cavity shut, and place it on the central altar.

This is the hardest step of all, and the point where failure is no longer your fault at all. If you made it this far, congratulations on your successful preparation! Sometimes, the Cyrodilic Noble was just not meant to be, you must accept this. For, to complete this meal, you require a dragon to be attracted by your revelry, and ignite the elf-laden Minotaur torso. A dragon may not bless your site before it becomes too risky to maintain the camp, or the meat may spoil. Additionally, if a frost dragon arrives, their breath shall ruin the meat. In one unfortunate instance, the dragon has been reported to eat the Cyrodilic Noble himself! Whatever happens, simply accept you have little control over the outcome here. No matter what, once the sun rises, I recommend leaving.

If all goes well, wait for the dragon to leave. However much of the dragon's fire that reached the carcass was the correct amount to cook it for your purposes. You and your chosen should engorge yourselves on as much of the meats as you can, within whatever amount of time you have left. While you may feel the intense desire to rest after consuming this meal, you must now flee, immediately. The longer you stay at this site, the greater the risk of discovery.

After lying low for a time, and reestablishing yourself in a new land, you can try to prepare the Cyrodilic Noble once more!

Yo! Poll is up! Get out and vote!

Okay i know that we can only have one vote but as I read down the list of recipes my mouth just keeps salivating more and more until I couldn't take it anymore. they sound tasty and in my mind look tasty (yeah even the ones involving humanoids but for those i just roleplay as a cannibal in es universe). these recipes all shine on their own and are suitable for different time of days (early breakfast, breakfast, brunch, snack, early lunch, lunch, etc). nothing can evoke the same sensations and feelings you get when you read about, see, and taste good food.

So here it goes:
Best snack
Musicman247's Glowing Cookies
What can I say? who doesn't want to dip their hand in a cookie jar for a snack. goes great with all sorts of beverages but i bet nothing beats having some with a glass of milk.

Best feast
Deandra's banquet
now this is what you want on the table when you've gathered all your friends and family. so tasty even the recipes are gone too!

Best meal on the road
Dark Spark's Strong Arm Venison
This sounds like something I want to prepare in the forests of skyrim. i mgiht even save some of the venison and make it into jerky strips too.

Best kid's meal
SCarverOrne's Fresh Apples and Eidar Cheese
Sweet and simple. grown ups can have some too.

Best lunch
Aarah's Spicy Abecean Fish n' Chips
There's something about transforming a fish into tasty sticks... and it even has chips too. i've got a soft spot for this combo.

Best meal on the shivering isles
Thelastdovah's A Feast of Mortals
Lord Sheogorath is more than amused and the isles will be satiated for at least a week! an impressive feat indeed

Best breakfast
Guadeloupe's Rustic Rift Fishy Sticks
i've this fantasy where I just dived into the lake and snagged thee fishies with my hands, climb back on the dock and start preparing this recipe right there and then. this is the one-two punch, i get my morning swim and a nice bundle of fresh fish stick!

Best dinner
BetaB17's Haafingar's Delight
whether you're a acient atmoran fresh in skyrim, and you're hungry after helping ysgramor kill a few elves. or if you're a 4e nord that helped the companions killed a mean old giant. well you're gonna be really hungry and those muscles will need all thes sustenance they can get. everytime i see the horker and mammoth meat models in the game i always wish i could find out what they taste like and thise recipe brings it closer to reality.

Best lore meal
AKB's Cyrodilic Noble
so full of imagination and flavour even the bosmer's unthrappa recipe would be put to shame! yum yum!