|Location||Two Moons at Tenmar Temple
Skooma Cat's Cloister
The Skooma Cat is the Alfiq identity of Sheogorath, the Daedric Prince of Madness, who is toying with the priests at the Two Moons at Tenmar Temple in Northern Elsweyr. He has his own plane, the Skooma Cat's Cloister.
- The Lunacy of Two Moons: Investigate the madness infecting a Khajiit temple.
- Skooma Cat : "Hoo hoo! You smashed that flat as a flapjack! But who said you could play with my toys?"
You can then speak with him:
- "Well, hello, my new playmate! Glad to find someone with their wits still about them. Too many crazies around here. I mean, what self-respecting person goes around chasing butterflies with a net?
Everybody knows you use a hammer."
- Who are you?
- "I'm a cat! I thought that bit was obvious. Unless I'm not a cat. Meow? Meow. Nope, cat. Maybe you're not as sharp as I thought. A tack that's seen one too many backsides.
Bad for you, worse for them! Haha!"
- Worse for who?
- "The priests, silly! You really are clueless, aren't you, plaything? How are you going to win the game if you can't find the pieces? Am I going to have to dangle every answer in front of you like cheese-stuffed mice hanging by their entrails?"
- You're behind the madness at the temple, aren't you?
- "That's more like it! Maybe there's hope for you after all.
Now hurry your heroic heiny to my playground, or it's going to be the blind leading the blind out there. Hah! Toodles!"
If you try to talk to him again, he will have more important things to do:
- "Can't a fella lick himself in peace? Off with you!"
Cats Don't Always Land on Their Feet
- Skooma Cat : "Oooh, my ears are burning hotter than Dagon's backside. Come on. Give'em a scratch, would ya?"
Speak with him.
- "I see you met Forky! Been talking about me again, hasn't it? Such gossip, that one, but you can hear the ocean if you stick it in your ears.
Give it a try!"
- Why are you doing this?
- "Doing what? The purring? Don't know! Just happens at the darnedest times. Smelling a bowl of cream, laying eyes on a plump ball of yarn, licking my—wait, I feel a grooming coming on."
- Why are you trying to hurt the priests?
- "Who's trying? Oh sure, you've kept a handful all boring and breathing, but we've been having a right riot at the temple! You ever hear cats always land on their feet? Turn out it's true! 'Course their feet wind up by their ears, but why split pears?"
- Stop this.
- "Stop? Stop! But we're just getting to the best part! I think they're really getting the hang of it! Last one got one good bounce in before he split like a ripe tomato.
Oh! I think the Moon-Bishop's giving it a go! Don't want to miss that!"
As you race towards the temple, the Skooma Cat will urge you to hurry:
- Skooma Cat : "Best hurry! You're going to miss the show!"
Just as you manage to convince Moon-Bishop Sizenza to climb down, the Skooma Cat will intervene:
- Moon-Bishop Sizenza : "Yes. I—I need to sit down. Gather my thoughts …."
- <She suddenly disappears in purple light.>
- Skooma Cat : "Oh, no you don't. Get your paws off my favorite plaything!"
You can then ask what he has done to Sizenza:
- "Hoo, look at you running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Nothing beats a chicken without a noggin. Believe me, I've tried!
You came awfully close to spoiling my fun though. I like my fun."
- What have you done with the Moon-Bishop?
- "Why? So you can keep hogging all the toys? No, no, no! These are mine! I licked them! How much more marking do I have to do?"
- What will it take to get you to leave these people alone?
- "Alone? Who wants to be alone? Trapped in their own head, until all the life and joy of the world leaks out and leaves an ugly, grey corpse? They're better off in my company!
Suppose I could let them go, if you'd rather be my plaything instead?"
- And if I agree?
- "Then I whisk you home to where the real fun is! I haven't hosted company since half-past—AH! You'll love what I've done with the place. It'll be like you never left!
Have you there in two shakes of a grand mal fit. So, what do you say?"
- Fine, I agree.
Your vision will then go black as the Mad Cat takes you with him:
- Skooma Cat : "Come on, plaything! The game's a face! Haha!"
Skooma Cat's Cloister
Once you come to, you'll find yourself on a bed in some strange ruins. After making your way through the twisted temple grounds, you can find him talking to an oblivious Moon-Bishop Sizenza, who is reeacting a memory of how she fell under his sway:
- Moon-Bishop Sizenza : "I—I must see. Sacred sugar, uncloud my eyes …."
- Skooma Cat : "Ooo, how the moons twinkle in those glassy eyes. You want to stare off into space and time? I'll show you the future-past at present!"
If you talk with him, he will be amused at your progress:
- "Look at you, scurrying around, lost as can be. Ever get a feeling like you're a rat in a maze? It's 'cause you are!"
If you try and talk with her, you will be knocked back and the Skooma Cat will announce a change in the rules:
- Skooma Cat : "There you go, trying to play with my toys again. Well, I've had enough sharing!"
You can then talk with him, to see what he is playing at:
- What are you doing to Sizenza?
- "We're just catching up on old times! Not that it's any of your business.
You like butting in so much, why don't you go bang heads with an echatere? or a wall?"
- Old times? So this has happened before?
- "Of course it's happened before. Everything's happened before! Doesn't stop us from chasing our own tails until they're slithering down our throats.
Oh you mean with her. This is when I found my new toy."
- But why make her relive that?
- "She's only had eyes for me since the first time we met. Until you started turning her head around right-ways!
Now I've got to get her looking back, so I'm presenting her past to keep her from repeating her present in the future. Keep up, plaything."
Distracting the Cat
At this point, you'll need to distract the Skooma Cat long enough to speak with Sizenza, you will have three possible objects:
If you present him with the Distracting Butterfly:
- "You again. Toys that get in my way wind up back in the box. Is it time to pack you up?"
- Look what I've got.
- "Chasing butterflies now, plaything? Ah, to be young again. I must have spent my first three or four thousand years terrorizing those colorful little cooties.
Alas, I'm a grown man—cat—god with grown mad-cat-god tastes to get back to. Now get!"
- I'll be back.
If you present him with the Tempting Bait Cheese:
- is line the same as above?
- Look what I've got.
- "Cheese, cheese, cheese. Enjoy a few thousand wheels and suddenly it's all people get you when Sun's Dawn comes around.
Do I look like a rat to you? Am I a rat? Meow? Still a cat. Off with you then! I have important catting to do."
- I'll be back.
If you present him with the Milk-Toast Cream:
- "Wait your turn, plaything. There'll be plenty of time for me to chase you around this little maze after I've finished my snack. All these games work up an appetite!"
- Look what I've got.
- "Is that cream? Oh, I could go for some fatty bovine discharge right now. Why'd you go and bring it to me in a cup? Cat's don't have thumbs! Well, most cats. Why don't I have thumbs?
Hold on to that while I grow thumbs. Hngh … this may take a bit."
- I'll figure something out.
If you talk with him again, you will get an update on the thumb-growing progress:
- "Hngh … ah! Still no thumbs.
Just quit tempting me with cream when I can't drink it!"
After you pour cream into a nearby bowl, he'll come and lap it up will commenting:
- Skooma Cat : "Ah, cream! Oh, I haven't had cream since I made Otar cry over it!"
When you try speak with Sizenza, he'll intervene again:
- Skooma Cat : "Hey! I just messed that up!"
- Skooma Cat : "Can't leave a good mess unattended for one minute before some hero comes to clean it up! Go tidy your own drawers!"
Distracting the Cat: The Sequel
The Mad Cat will once again teleport her away in a cloud of butterflies. She can be found in the false temple, telling her cloister about her vision:
- Moon-Bishop Sizenza : "I have seen it! I have seen the way forward! Jone and Jode have shown me how we may protect our temple!"
- Moon-Priest Rilasu : "Bless your eyes, Moon-Bishop! What must we do?"
- Moon-Bishop Sizenza : "We must create an anchor beneath Two Moons to hold our temple between Two Moons!"
- Moon-Priest Rilasu : "Apologies, Moon-Bishop. This one does not see …."
- Skooma Cat : "They'll see clear enough once the anchor's built! Haha!"
- Moon-Bishop Sizenza : "The anchor will let you all see, as I do. All will become clear soon!"
When you speak with the god, he will insist that same trick you pulled won't work twice:
- "Think you're the cream of the croup, eh? Wel, you won't be filling my head with daydreams of sweet, cow squeezings this time. I lapped up every last drop!
Now what are you going to do with all that dry toast, eh? Ha ha ha!"
Like before, there will be three different items you can show him:
If you bring him the Tempting Bait Cheese:
- I have this cheese.
- "Cheese on toast? That's just crazy talk. Next you'll be trying to make toast with the cheese already on it!
Off with your cheese and toast madness. Looney."
- There must be something you'll like.
If you bring him the Festive Severed Head:
- I found this head. Another one of your toys?
- "Hey! Careful with that! What poor fool could entertain their court if they lost their head? Between you and me, a wise fool keeps a few spares.
You can borrow that one, if it'll get you out of my fur. I'm not using it right now."
- There must be something around here you'll be interested in.
If you bring him the Delightfully Long Yarn:
- Look what I found.
- "Yarn! So soft and bouncy. Just makes me want to bat it around like a newborn babe … no! You're trying to distract me again.
Well, I'm not having it!"
- Are you sure you don't want to play with the yarn?
- "No…! Wait…yes! Grr!
Keep dangling those luxurious, ropey threads in my face and you'll find my claws in yours! Off with you!"
Once you toss the yarn out the door, he will run after it giggling:
- Skooma Cat : "Ooo, yarn! Hee hee hee! Look at it come apart!"
Yet again, when you almost get through to Sizenza, she will be teleported away:
- Skooma Cat : "Quit your raveling! I was batting her thoughts into a glorious tangle before you came along! Now I'm going to have to start again!"
After you find yourself way down into the Temple Cellars, you will find the alfiq waiting for you near the "anchor" and a restrained Sizenza. Once you have defeated the shapechanging Mad Anchorite, the Skooma Cat will put on a more familiar skin:
- Sheogorath : "That's enough cat and mouse for one day, plaything."
You can then chat with Sheogorath and play a final game for Sizenza.